The Year of Subtractions
The art of subtraction – taking away, making something less than. We subtract all of the time. It has become second nature in our every day, and we may not even notice when we are doing it. Maybe we are subtracting time, carbs, money…but we don’t feel our use of subtraction usually, do we? Screeech…2020. When things seemed subtracted from our lives, we felt that, didn’t we? You remember…subtracted Grad parties, subtracted vacations, subtracted job security, subtracted family gatherings, subtracted concerts, subtracted sporting events, subtracted school plays, subtracted anniversary celebrations, subtracted first year college experiences…there are so many things where people experienced subtraction this year.
I know it hurts. Even after the date we had set aside is long gone, we still hurt. We feel robbed, altered in some way. It is ok to feel it. There is clean pain in missing something we longed for…something we wanted to celebrate or experience. There is clean pain in that. It can be overwhelming at times to think about all that we feel we have lost, and it is ok and essential to grieve our losses.
At the same time, we have been given much – specifically space. We have been given room. We were given permission. We were given our creative minds back. Minds that have had to create alternatives. Do you remember being a kid and we could create anything we wanted…play dough, crayons, a paint brush, legos, blocks, dollies – it was all make believe, and we were just playing. 2020 has put us back on the playground…and said, “Here…go play! Color outside the lines and imagine how this can work!” Yes, much was taken away, but when given a piece of chalk, a sidewalk, and our imagination, we have so much. There is so much new. In 2020, we were given space to determine the real value in our experiences. With so much subtracted, we have been given the opportunity to let go of the familiar and feel the unfamiliar. We have been given a new perspective on things…and in some ways when we feel like we have lost our minds, we have actually found a path towards getting our sanity back.
What does that mean – getting our sanity back? It means that we are in control. We no longer have to let life take us over like a big wave…crashing us again and again against the sandy floor. Ok, so maybe LBP (“Life Before the Pandemic”) wasn’t all that bad. Maybe we enjoyed the distractions of being tossed and turned with so many options - but certainly in LBP, I found many days where I was racing, numb and searching for meaning. No more. At least, we don’t have to do that anymore. We can let go of what was. LBP is not coming back. Now, it is only life during and after the pandemic. We can worry less about what “everybody” thinks and start thinking for ourselves. We can let go of cultural ways and listen to our own innate wisdom. When all we have is ourselves, it all becomes quiet. We become quiet. Lean in friends. 2020 has given us a free pass. We have the power to decide how to ride the wave or possibly get out of the ocean all together.
What did you feel this year? Scared of the space? Grappling with uncertainty? Alone? How did that feel? Scary? Blissful? Searching for ways to fill the time? How did that feel? Did you fill it? Did you leave it empty? How did that feel? Did you find yourself trying to rely on old patterns or addictions? Did they work for you? Did you long for the familiar? Did you feel lots of unfamiliarity and embrace it or run from it? What worked for you? What left you feeling empty? What left you feeling full? When we are given space, we have the choice to be ourselves fully and in total alignment.
What if we searched for more subtraction in our lives…literally searched for more space, more breathing room? What would happen to you? Let’s try it. That can be a turtle step as we close this year. Notice how it feels. See how your body and mind come together to receive the gift of time and room, feel what that feels like. The more we enter into this space of truth, simplicity, integrity and alignment with our truest self, the more we will experience freedom.
It is ok to feel the losses of the year. Think on them. And, for each one, try this small practice I learned from Martha Beck, a mentor of mine:
Look at It. Take that moment or loss out of you and put it on the table to look at (this requires some creativity and mindfulness, I know! Just give it a try. Imagine the scene and see the experience).
Next, Love It. Let yourself feel why you love that moment and how it brings you joy. Feel the blessing of what it could be or would have been.
Next, Feel the Loss of It. Allow yourself to feel anything that comes up as you look at it and realize the depth of the experience. Feel all of the feels. Literally. Let emotion come up. Get curious.
Then, when you are ready… Invite it Back In. Yes, I said it. Invite the moment back into your heart. It will look different. Notice. If there is resistance, take the thing that is resistant to it, and put it next to your “moment”. Look at them together. Do this until you feel no more resistance and can invite it all back in.
Let It be a Gift. This give and take – loss and blessing – becomes a way in which we can continue to experience letting go and yet not endure perpetual suffering from it. When you do this, you create distance and become a compassionate witness to the suffering you have felt. The awareness creates abundance.
As we close this year, and look ahead…my desire for you is that you embrace the subtractions from your life and become blessed by what is given back.
There is hope, and it is here.